


His Loss, Our Gain [IN REVISION]

by infinitygeek



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mostly Platonic, Rare Pair, but its from the events in the show, little bit of violence at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-03-09 22:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18926626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinitygeek/pseuds/infinitygeek
Summary: This story explores the Eugene and Negan dynamic that could have been. It's mostly platonic, but when it's not, it's extremely fluffy. Hope you enjoy!PLEASE READ: as of now, the actual story is complete. I am going to go back and try to revise some details such as Eugene's dialogue and some boring descriptions. The actual events won't change, but the revisions will make for a better reading experience. Thanks for understanding!





	1. Intro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I wasn't too happy with the way the story was going, so I'm deciding to rewrite them. Thanks for understanding!

Eugene knew he’d never forget the terror of being at the Sanctuary. Despite the surprisingly warm welcome, he was still in enemy territory. It’s not like Eugene had a choice, though. He knew his own strength--or rather lack of it--and knew he’d never be able to fight his way out. They said he was one of them, but it still didn’t feel right. No matter how many times he said he was Negan, there was still that fear that he could be eaten by the wolves that surrounded him. He was Negan, yes, of course, he was Negan. He couldn’t be anybody else.

But oh god Negan; He was the source blood of Eugene’s fear. Eugene was terrified of Negan, to say the least. He had watched him smash two of his friends’ heads into a bloody mess for god's sake. Just thinking of that night made him shudder. Sometimes he got so wrapped up thinking about it, he would vomit. That was the scariest moment of his life, and every time he saw Negan, that’s all he could think of. And he didn’t see this changing anytime soon.

Eugene sat anxiously in his room contemplating these circumstances. He was here in Negan’s _home_ basically and lived every day in constant fear. Eugene was able to find the silver lining though: Negan was _right_. Rick didn’t have him doing valuable things in Alexandria. He felt like a burden in Alexandria. He felt like just another mouth to feed. He was miserable. At the Sanctuary, however, he felt like he was a part of something. Overlooking the fact that his boss basically owns him, being at the Sanctuary is a hell of a lot better than being at Alexandria. And maybe Negan wasn’t as bad as he thought.

A knock at the door yanked him away from his thoughts. It was probably for the best, he thought. Eugene got up from his seat and opened the door. It was Laura.

“Negan wants you,” She said, leaning on the doorframe. “He said it’s urgent.”

“U-urgent?” Eugene asked. What the hell could Negan want him for that’s urgent?

“Yeah, haircut, that means get your ass to him,” Laura said. Eugene nodded then headed out to the usual meeting room. Sure enough, Negan was in there with his legs propped up on the table and Lucille in his lap.

“Hey smarty-pants,” Negan began. “Sit down, don’t be shy.” Eugene sat down in a chair two seats away from Negan without saying a word.

“Hey I don’t bite,” Negan chuckled. “Lucille does, but I’m not gonna let her.”

“S-sorry sir,” Eugene said and swallowed. Negan shook his head.

“Why are you so goddamn scared all the time?” Negan took his legs off the table and leaned towards Eugene. Eugene just stared back at Negan. Negan then looked at Eugene seriously.

“Look,” Negan said. “You don’t have to be scared here. I’m not going to hurt you and no one else will. All you have to do is remember who you are.”

“A-and I’m N-negan,” Eugene said quickly. Negan laughed.

“Of course you are. You’re one of the most devoted people on my team, I must say.” Negan smiled at Eugene, but Eugene stayed stone-faced.

“I-if you don’t mind me asking sir,” Eugene said. “Why did you request to see me?” Negan sat back in his chair and left Lucille on the table in front of him.

“Just wanted to check in. Make sure everyone’s treating you right.” Negan said. _That's what was urgent?_ Eugene thought. He found it in his best interest, though, not to question it.

“Yes, I’m h-having a swell time at your establishment.”

“Good, good. Just let me know if you have any trouble.” Negan still saw that undeniable fear in Eugene’s eyes. “Would you stop being so scared? I’m being as friendly as I _can_ here, Eugene, cut me some slack.” For whatever reason, this made Eugene even more frightened. His eyes started to well with tears.

“I-I’m sorry, I-I’m gonna go-” Eugene said.

“You go when I say you can go.” Negan said sternly. Eugene blinked a few times at Negan and Negan sighed.

“You’ve been here for almost a week, I thought you’d be comfortable here by now,” Negan said. “You have no reason to be scared, I promise.”

“O-okay,” Eugene said after swallowing a large lump that seemed to develop in his throat. He supposed Negan was right. 

“God it must be exhausting to be that scared all the time,” Negan said and stood up. He walked over to Eugene and stuck out his pinky. “Pinky promise I won’t hurt ya. Unless of course, you try to pull some shit behind my back. In that case, I’ll hurt ya real bad.” Eugene hesitantly put his pinky in Negan’s. Negan shook his pinky and the promise was done.

“Now you may go crybaby,” Negan said. Eugene left quickly without a word and cried silently all the way back to his room.


	2. Chapter One

Negan liked Eugene. Not like he liked Simon or Dwight. It was different, but he couldn’t figure out what _made_ it different. At first he thought it was his unwavering devotion to him--everyone knew Negan was a sucker for that--but he found himself liking him more when he was defiant. His heart would race when Eugene would talk back, which he came to realize was quite rare. He knew Eugene was a coward--he surely wasn’t good at keeping it a secret--but he enjoyed it when he acted against his fear. Eugene had somehow nestled himself into Negan’s soft spot, and he wasn’t sure how he liked it.

More and more he would request to see Eugene. He had poor Laura going to fetch him everyday. He thought she might get suspicious of what Negan wanted Eugene so much for, so he always told her it was urgent. This way maybe she would think he was doing some professional business. He knew he had to keep their meetings a secret. He didn’t want his people to know he was taking this much of a liking to Eugene. It would shatter their view of him. He knew Eugene would be fine though; Eugene would always be terrified of him. Part of him didn’t want him to be scared, though. Negan wanted Eugene to be his friend. He wanted to sit down and talk and have a few drinks. It’s crazy that Negan had built himself up so high that this seemed nearly impossible. For now, though, he would just sit with Eugene’s terrified face and try to coo him into feeling safe.

Eugene, though, was starting to warm up to Negan. He thought it was odd that Negan wanted to just talk to him so much, but he found himself enjoying it. In fact, he felt honored. He wondered who else got to sit down and chat with Negan. Probably not many people. He still struggled to look at him and not think about that terrifying night in the woods, but he was getting better. He wished that he could just forget that night and sit with Negan and chat comfortably, but that memory was never going to leave him. Negan seemed to be trying really hard, though. Eugene appreciated that.

There came a point where Negan was tired of requesting to see Eugene. He felt like he waited for ages for him to get there. And he thought that maybe Eugene would be more comfortable if he came to his room. He would be in his nice cozy room and Negan could talk to him immediately. It was a win-win in Negan’s eyes. It would have to be late though, so no one would see him. He could tell Eugene doesn’t sleep a whole lot though, so it shouldn’t be an issue. So around 1:00 am, Negan walked right up to Eugene’s door and knocked. Soon, he was greeted to Eugene. As soon as he realized who was at his door, Negan saw his expression turn to terror.

“Remember the pinky?” Negan asked with his pinky out. He then laughed and walked into the room. Eugene closed the door behind him and watched carefully as Negan strolled around the room. He couldn’t help but think that he’d done something wrong and Negan was here to beat the crap out of him. _Unless of course you try to pull some shit behind my back. In that case I’ll hurt ya real bad_ echoed in his mind. Eugene couldn’t think of what he had done, but he was sure Negan found something.

“Wh-why are you here?” Eugene asked. Negan turned to look at Eugene. He was scared. _Still_. Negan began to get frustrated. He just wanted Eugene not to be scared. He sighed and walked back towards Eugene who was still by the door.

“Why do you think I’m here?” Negan asked. “I genuinely want to know. Why do you think I strolled into your room at one in the morning?” Eugene blinked. Negan was so close to him now he was afraid he would hear his racing heart. Eugene swallowed before speaking again.

“B-because you think that I-I’ve gone and done something I shouldn’t have,” Eugene said. “Wh-which I’ve done nothing of the sort I assure you.” Negan smiled slowly. He was amused.

“You think I’m here to hurt you,” Negan said. Eugene looked everywhere except for Negan’s face. He was right, but Eugene didn’t want to confirm it. 

“I’m not,” Negan said seriously. “I promise.” Eugene looked at Negan and saw compassion in his eyes. Probably for the first time. Eugene felt his heart sink. Negan wasn’t going to hurt him and he was serious about that.

“Okay,” Eugene said shakily, “I believe you.” Eugene stared at Negan. He was smiling at him now. It was a warm and inviting smile. It made his heart flutter and his cheeks flush. He also took this moment to notice Negan’s eyes. He thought they were just brown, but being this close he thought otherwise. They were more than just brown; They were beautiful.

“Good,” Negan said then started pacing the room again. Eugene decided to take a seat on his bed. He crossed his legs and watched Negan. He took slow but big steps around the room. It took Eugene a while to say anything.

“Why have you been requesting to see me so much?” Eugene asked. Negan stopped pacing. “Not to say I don’t enjoy our meetups. I just want to know why they’ve been so… so frequent.” Negan turned to Eugene. Eugene’s face was firm, but Negan could tell he was still suppressing his fear.

“Why does it matter?” Negan asked. He didn’t want to tell Eugene that he liked him. He wasn’t sure why--he knew Eugene wasn’t a threat or anything--but he just didn’t want him to know. 

“I suppose it doesn’t,” Eugene said. The curiosity was killing him though. Why was the boss of this whole place visiting him? And visiting him so often? He left it alone though. He felt more comfortable around Negan now, but still knew better than to push him.

“You’re special Eugene,” Negan said. This felt out of nowhere for both of them. Eugene heard something in his voice when he said that that gave him chills. “You really are.” 

“Thank you,” Eugene said. Negan smiled warmly. He wanted to hug Eugene. He wanted to hug the shit out of him. It was a strong urge, but not strong enough to make him do it. He just stared at Eugene’s little puppy dog face in silence. He did this for longer than he probably should have.

“Well Eugene,” Negan said, “I’m gonna head out. I want you to get some sleep. I know you haven’t been sleeping.” Eugene looked to the floor. He almost didn’t want him to leave.

“Okay,” Eugene said simply. Negan began to walk out, but before he closed the door behind him, he turned back.

“I’ll come by tomorrow again,” Negan said. “Yeah?” Eugene just looked at him dumbly. Negan then raised his eyebrows to indicate that he wanted an answer. Eugene swallowed then nodded. With that, Negan left and closed the door.


	3. Chapter Two

Eugene sat with Negan in their getaway car. Eugene was lucky Negan found him or he would’ve been shot with all the crossfire going around. Negan had grabbed him by the shoulder and yanked him along. _We need to get the hell out of here_ he remembers Negan saying. It stood out so predominantly in his mind because he almost sounded _scared_. It’s like it was a plea. But they were safe now. They had scrambled into the truck Negan came to Alexandria in and Negan quickly drove off: tires skidding and all.

“Wh-what about the others?” Eugene remembers asking. He remembers Negan breathing in heavily before he spoke.

“The ones that are alive will find their way back,” Negan had said. Now they had sat in silence for about an hour. Both of them were a bit shaken by the events at Alexandria: one was certainly more shaken than the other. They needed time to think and calm down before they had any sort of interaction. Eugene, though, needed some form of distraction. He was thinking too much and was starting to get extremely upset. _They were going to kill me_ Eugene kept repeating in his mind. He knew they would be upset with him, but he never expected them to completely abandon him and _kill_ him. His own people…

“What’s on your mind, Eugene?” Negan asked. Eugene was startled by Negan’s sudden decision to talk. Eugene squirmed in his seat.

“N-nothing,” Eugene said. Negan laughed, but it seemed to lack it’s usual character, though.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Negan said. “You don’t have to lie to me Eugene. Tell me what’s on your mind.” Eugene swallowed, but began to speak.

“Th-th-they,” Eugene started shakily. “Th-they w-wanted to k-k-kill me.” Negan looked over at Eugene and slowed down the car to a stop. Eugene looked over at Negan with his sad expression. Negan didn’t like it, but it made him sad to see Eugene like this.

“You’re still upset about that?” Negan asked. Eugene didn’t say anything; he just stared at him blankly. Negan sighed and looked back towards the road. He kept the car still, however.

“Look, Eugene,” Negan started. “I’ve had my fair share of my own people trying to kill me, trust me. I know it’s not fun. You just have to move on and accept that they aren’t your people anymore.” Negan looked over at Eugene again. “The Saviors are your people now.” Negan closed his eyes and took in a big breath. “And if it makes you feel any better, they want me dead much more than they want you dead.” Negan opened his eyes and smiled. It was a big reassuring smile. It warmed Eugene from the inside out.

“Thank you,” Eugene said. “I appreciate your efforts to make me feel better.” Eugene shifted in his seat a little. Negan was still smiling at him.

“You’re really something else Eugene,” Negan said. He rubbed Eugene’s shoulder and began to drive again. 

They remained silent for some time again, giving Eugene time to think. Maybe Negan was right: maybe he needed to move on from Alexandria. Again, he thought of all the good that has happened to him since being with Negan and the Saviors. Soon, Eugene started to feel resentment rise in his throat. Resentment towards Alexandria: the ones that wanted to kill him. For a brief moment he thought of Rosita. Oh how he loved Rosita. She was beautiful and strong and he wanted nothing more than for her to appreciate him. He always got the opposite though. She would bully him and nag him about not being good enough. It was exhausting. _Abraham would never had let this happen_ he thought.

“You’re upset again aren’t you?” Negan asked. Eugene swallowed and looked over at Negan. 

“I am, “ Eugene said simply. Negan sighed heavily and stopped the car again. 

“This is the last time I’m stopping for you,” Negan said. Eugene nodded and Negan continued. “We’re going to war Eugene. We’re going to have to fight them and trust me: we will run them into the ground. I want you to use your emotions to help you fight them. They hurt you, so we’ll hurt them back. Now tell me, Eugene,” Negan leaned towards Eugene, “who hurt you so bad?” 

“I-I-I” Eugene stuttered. He knew it was Rosita, but did he want to tell Negan that? Eugene thought on this until he saw Negan’s impatient expression. “Rosita, that’s her name.”

“Oh so it’s a lady?” Negan said and smirked. “Tell me what she did Eugene.” Eugene looked down at his hands that he had tightly clamped around each other. He relaxed them and spoke.

“Sh-she constantly reminded me of how much of a coward I am,” Eugene said. “She didn’t think I was useful in any way. I was just a piece of garbage to her.” Eugene looked up at Negan. “But she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. If I could have any woman in the world, I’d want her.” Eugene paused. “She would be better if-” Eugene suddenly stopped talking. He couldn’t complete that sentence: not in front of Negan.

“Go on,” Negan said. “She’d be better if what?” Eugene continued with caution.

“She’d be better i-if.” Eugene swallowed. “She’d be better if Abraham were still here.” Negan’s face dropped. He didn’t know who Abraham was, but he could only guess what happened to him.

“Shit,” Negan said. He watched as Eugene began to cry. “Eugene I-” Negan didn’t know what to say. Eugene began to sob quietly. “You know it had to happen.” Eugene put his head in his hands and sobbed more. He shook his head.

“No,” Eugene said in a broken voice. “It didn’t.” Negan looked sternly at him. Usually this would make him mad, but he couldn’t get mad at Eugene. Not now. Negan sighed and unbuckled his seatbelt, putting the truck in park as he did so. He slid over closer to Eugene. Negan slowly took his hands and pulled them away from his face.

“I’m sorry Eugene,” Negan said. Eugene looked back at him, lip quivering and tears still falling. “But what’s done is done. I can’t bring him back. Whether or not it needed to happen doesn’t matter, it still happened and you have to move on.” Eugene still just stared at Negan. He couldn’t muster up a response to him. He began to calm down though. Negan was still holding his hands gently which comforted Eugene. He swallowed and opened his mouth be speak.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Negan interjected. Eugene closed his mouth and looked at is hands. “Are you okay? Can I drive?” Eugene nodded and sniffled.

“Okay,” Negan said softly and slowly let go of Eugene’s hands. He went back behind the wheel and continued to drive. They were silent the rest of the way to the Sanctuary.


	4. Chapter Three

It was late again. Eugene found it particularly hard to sleep that night after what happened at Alexandria. He thought about just getting drunk and passing out, but he wanted to wait for Negan. He hadn’t done his nightly visit yet. Eugene wasn’t sure if he would, but he wanted to wait and he wanted to be sober. And he didn’t want to be alone. 

Eugene was relieved when there was a soft knock on the door. Negan was behind it, but he lacked that cynical smile he seemed to always have. He walked in and began to stroll around like he always does. Negan was a pacer and it always made Eugene nervous to watch someone pace. He felt like it meant that something was coming: good or bad.

“Sorry I’m late,” Negan said, “even though we never really decided on a time for these meetings.” Negan turned towards Eugene who was taking a seat on his bed. “I’ve been thinking a lot and want to share some things with you. I also wanted to see how you were doing given what happened earlier today.” Eugene looked around, trying to figure out if he _was_ okay.

“I’ve been doing fine,” Eugene said. “I don’t see me falling asleep anytime soon, however.” Eugene looked at Negan who was now smiling.

“Here, I’ll tell you what I need to tell you while I braid your hair,” Negan said. Eugene furrowed his eyebrows. He’d never had his hair braided. Also how and why does Negan know how to braid?

“B-braid?” Eugene asked. Negan laughed.

“Hell yeah,” Negan said. “I think it'd look nice, now face that way.” Negan pointed towards the door with Lucille. Eugene shifted his body towards the door. Negan was behind him now which caused anxiety to rise in Eugene. He didn’t like Negan being out of his sight. 

“You got a hairbrush?” Negan asked, opening up random drawers. 

“It’s next to the Television,” Eugene said. Negan grabbed it quickly and went to work. He ran the brush slowly through Eugene’s coarse hair. Negan was surprisingly gentle with him. It felt like heaven to Eugene. He hadn’t had someone brush his hair in forever. Eugene closed his eyes and gave into the intoxicating feeling. 

“So Eugene,” Negan began. Eugene opened his eyes remembering that Negan wanted to talk to him. “There’s a lot of shit that’s about to happen. It’s only going to get worse from here.” Eugene swallowed. He was right. “There’s a war coming and a lot of people are going to die. Not me of course, I don’t die.” Negan paused, but Eugene was silent. “You may die Eugene. I’ll do everything in my power to not let that happen, but people will die. I don’t want any of my people to die: you especially, Eugene.” 

“If you came here to make me feel better,” Eugene said coldly, “You’ve done the opposite.”

“I came here to tell you the truth of the situation,” Negan said simply. “I’m braiding your hair to make sure you’re calm.” Eugene breathed in heavily. Negan pulled through a particularly bad tangle in Eugene’s hair causing him to wince.

“Ow.”

“Shut up.”

“Okay,” Eugene said and looked down at his hands in his lap. Negan ran the brush through Eugene’s hair a few more times then set the brush down. He separated Eugene’s hair into three large strands and began to braid.

“I know you’re scared Eugene,” Negan said. “Truth be told, I am too. I don’t want to lose any of my people, but that’s what it’s going to take.” Negan paused to make sure the braid looked good so far. “We will win though. I will not let us lose. The Saviors will live on no matter what.” Eugene was still silent. He was still stuck on the fact that Negan was _scared_. Eugene thought he was the only one that got scared.

“Y-you’re scared?” Eugene asked. Negan sighed.

“Don’t let that scare you,” Negan said. “We will still win.”

“No, I-” Eugene couldn’t figure out how to word what he wanted to say. “I thought someone of your nature didn’t get scared.” Negan laughed.

“Yes Eugene, I get scared. It is rare, but it happens,” Negan said. “Don’t tell anybody though okay?”

“Okay,” Eugene said simply. It never crossed his mind that Negan was a person just like him; he feels emotions just like everyone does. Negan didn’t say anything for a while; he simply braided the rest of Eugene’s hair in silence. Eugene felt himself begin to get drowsy. Having his hair played with had calmed him a great deal. He just wanted to snuggle up with his Grimbly-Gunk and fall asleep.

“Alright, I’m finished,” Negan said proudly. Eugene reached back and touched it. It felt nice according to his limited knowledge about braids. Negan grabbed a small handheld mirror that he saw on the counter and handed it to Eugene. He held the mirror and pulled the braid over his shoulder to admire it.

“How do you like it?” Negan asked. Eugene looked back at Negan.

“I rather like it,” Eugene said. Negan smiled.

“It suits you, Lucy,” Negan said. Eugene furrowed his eyebrows and watched Negan’s face fall.

“Excuse me?” Eugene said. “Did you just call me Lucy?” Negan just stared at Eugene rather dumbly. He then picked up Lucille and walked towards the door.

“Just take that out before the meeting,” Negan said. And before Eugene could say anything, he was gone. Eugene stared at the closed door and blinked a few times. It wasn’t long though before he decided to cut his losses and go to sleep, and he finally did so without drinking multiple glasses of wine.


	5. Chapter Four

Eugene woke up tightly holding his Grimbly-Gunk and the braid still in his hair. He groggily sat up and set the stuffed monster next to him. To his surprise, he had slept the whole night. He took a look at the clock and realized he had about an hour until he had to be in the meeting with Negan. With a sigh, he got up and started making himself presentable. He looked in the mirror for a solid minute before taking the braid out; he just loved it so much. He knew what Negan said though, so he didn’t have a choice. _Maybe he’ll braid it again_ , he thought trying to keep his head up. He slowly removed the hair tie and undid the braid. He was sad, but he had to move on. He had bigger problems at the moment.

Eugene was quite nervous about this meeting. Apparently, the leader of Hilltop was going to be there. Knowing that and the fact that Hilltop had participated in the attack at Alexandria, this meeting wasn’t going to go well. He didn’t think _he_ would get hurt, considering Negan’s multiple statements of this, but he felt like someone was. Eugene swallowed and entered the meeting room. Gavin, Dwight, and Regina were in the room waiting when he got in. He took a seat next to Dwight and waited for the rest. 

The last three guests came in together. First Gregory with a worried expression, then Simon holding Gregory by the shoulder, and lastly Negan with Lucille resting on his shoulder. Negan had on his cynical smile as he surveyed the room. He stopped his gaze on Eugene and saw his nervous expression. He then wiggled his pinky that was wrapped around Lucille. Eugene swallowed and relaxed. 

“Good morning everyone,” Negan said, taking a seat in his usual spot. “Shall we get started?” Negan was looking down at Gregory who was sitting all the way across the table from him. Gregory started to explain himself about all the things happening at Hilltop. Eugene could tell Negan was getting impatient and angry. Gregory continued to explain himself but kept stumbling over his words. Eugene could feel that something was coming. He didn’t know what, but he knew it was bad. Simon then tried to help Gregory out, but it didn’t seem to help a whole lot. Simon then began to talk about a plan, but Negan didn’t seem to like it. In the middle of his sentence, Negan slammed Lucille down on the table. Everyone jumped, but Eugene closed his eyes tightly and put his hands in front of his face. Seeing Lucille come down like that sent flashbacks.

“ _ **People are a resource!**_ ” Negan yelled. Eugene opened his eyes and saw the rage in Negan’s face. Negan continued to yell at Simon for his plan. Eugene had heard the tone of his voice only once before. _We need to get the hell out of here_. Negan was _mad_. He was _mad_ and he was _scared_. Negan finished up his fit of rage and sat back down. Eugene was still stuck in his scared position. Not long after, there were loud gunshots from outside. They all looked around at each other and Negan rolled his eyes. They got up and went outside. Eugene was the last one to go out. He waited at the door before stepping outside. The opposing team was here. And they weren’t happy. 

“Shit,” Negan started, “I was in a meeting.”  
___  
The Sanctuary was now without their Negan. They were all Negan of course, but _Negan_ wasn’t there. They weren’t sure where he was, but they thought he was either captured or eaten alive. It didn’t seem likely, but one thing was for sure: Negan was gone and things were going to fall apart without him. They already were. His team simply couldn’t get along. Regina had already threatened Eugene and Simon seemed to think that he was automatically put in charge. What was even worse was that the power had gone out and people weren’t happy. Negan needed to be here. 

Eugene was scared out of his mind. He knew he was the one that would have to figure this one out considering he was the certified smarty-pants of the Sanctuary. He wanted Negan. He wanted him to tell him that everything was going to work. For now, he just sat in the dark meeting room with the rest of the team. After arguing for a while, Laura bust in with the news that the workers were coming up the stairs. Sure enough, there were dozens of workers that surrounded the room. Simon tried to get them to go back downstairs but to no avail. Soon, things got out of hand and Regina ended up shooting someone.

Then came the whistle. Everyone knew what that meant and began to kneel. Negan turned the corner and Eugene’s heart sank. He had Gabriel with him. Eugene looked around wildly. _Another person to criticize me for being here_ Eugene thought. Eugene looked back to Negan who was wearing blood and guts: presumably from walkers. Negan began by scolding Regina for killing one of the workers. Eugene believed that this might be the last time he saw her. Eugene looked to the ground and listened to Negan.

Eventually, Negan was done talking and went on his way to his room. The workers went back downstairs and the rest dispersed. Eugene, though, stood still as Negan passed him. Negan smiled and wiped his pinky on Eugene's cheek leaving a stripe of blood. Eugene’s lip quivered a little as he watched Negan walk away with Gabriel. Part of him wanted to wrap his arms around him tightly and cry and tell him how scared he was while he was gone. He didn’t though. Negan wouldn’t like that very much. Besides, he was covered in walker guts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter seemed a little weird. I just wanted to write about Eugene's thoughts during actual events in the show. Let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter Five

It was finally time. It was finally time for Negan to watch Rick and his people fall. And he was ready. Negan smirked as he drove his truck to the top of the hill. Eugene sat in the passenger seat and some of his other lieutenants sat in the bed with Gabriel and Dwight. Negan looked over at Eugene and smiled. He was proud of him for making this all happen. Without him, they would never have had enough ammo for the ambush. When Negan first captured Eugene, he knew he was going to do great things, but he honestly had no idea he’d be worth this much.

“You ready?” Negan asked with a smile. Eugene looked over at Negan and gave a weak nod. He was trembling slightly in his seat. Negan’s face dropped a little. “Don’t tell me you’re nervous.”

“I’m not,” Eugene said simply. Negan rolled his eyes and stopped the truck at the top of the hill. The two got out and those in the bed of the truck hopped out on to the ground. They waited a while for the militia to arrive since they were following a bit behind. Negan threw an arm over Eugene and pulled him close.

“I’m proud of you Eugene,” Negan said. “You’ve made this all possible.” Eugene swallowed and glanced at Negan’s face. He was genuinely proud and happy for him. It was all over his face. Eugene’s guilt was overwhelming at this point. He was going to have hundreds of the Saviors’ blood on his hands: possibly even Negan’s. But it was a matter of who’s blood he wanted on his conscious: The Savior’s or his own people. 

After several sleepless nights and the pleas of Gabriel and Sasha and even Rosita, he knew where he belonged. And he was tired of being called a coward. He wanted to be strong and this was the best way to do it. It wasn’t about saving himself anymore. He needed to do the right thing. And the right thing was to kill the right people at the right time: just as Negan said.

Negan is evil; that’s what Eugene had to keep saying to himself. It didn’t matter how much Negan seemed to like him or how much praise he received; Negan kills innocent people. He killed Abraham: his best friend. And to think that he was going to forgive him for that for the sake of keeping himself safe. He was done with that. He wasn’t going to let anyone else from his group die.

Now Negan stands on the top of the hill unaware of his inevitable fate. The militia surrounded the area around them ready to fire at Negan’s word. He gave one last little smile at Eugene and picked up his walkie. They were here. Negan taunted and warned Rick of the events that were about to unfold. As he did this, Eugene tried desperately to calm his breathing. He swallowed and looked over at Negan. He was looking at him, waiting for him to give his approval to proceed. Eugene nodded at him, giving his last send off. Negan smiled then began to count down. He knew what would happen after that, and he didn’t think he’d ever be ready.

One by one they all fell, either killed or badly injured by the sabotaged bullets. Eugene stood still, trembling and his heart racing. Negan had only been injured by the bullet and Eugene was almost happy he hadn’t died from it. Soon enough, though, Negan had looked over at him with an expression he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen before. It read betrayal and rage and everything in between. He was sure Negan would have killed him on the spot with his bare hands if it wasn’t for Gabriel and Dwight intervening. Negan fled from the two, but Regina was approaching him fast. She was going to kill him too. He figured there were a lot of people that wanted him dead now, but that didn’t matter. He needed to save his ass. He tried to dig into his pocket to get his small handgun as Regina tried to ambush him, but she soon dropped dead from a gunshot. He took a couple of deep breaths and turned to see Rosita at the other end of the gun. She had saved his life. She saved his life after all he had done. He stared at her until she ran away to go fight with the others. 

Eugene calmed himself down and found some cover behind a car. From there he could see the tree. The tree with the glass pane and Negan struggling underneath. Eugene stared as Rick and Negan brawled under the leaves. The gunfire slowed as they now stood in front of each other: Rick seeming to try to reason with Negan. For a second, it seemed like he was going to surrender, and everything was going to go peacefully. Then suddenly Rick sliced his throat with a piece of glass. Eugene drew in a sharp inhale. He stared as Negan fell down, blood pouring from his sliced neck. Eugene swallowed and his lip started to quiver. He hated himself for being upset, but he was. He had spent the last few weeks with him and he had made him feel wanted and at home for the first time since being on the road with Abraham and Rosita. Eugene needed to look away. He needed to look away from the blood spilling from his mentor’s throat. He needed to look away from his scared expression. He needed to close his eyes and run away. But he just stared.

“Eugene!” He heard a voice from behind him but didn’t turn around. He couldn’t. “Eugene just look at me.” Rosita then grabbed his cheeks and pointed his face towards hers. She saw his pitiful expression and her heart dropped. He had really begun to get attached to Negan.

“You did good okay?” Rosita said. “Just think about that. You saved us Eugene.” Eugene didn’t say anything. He just continued staring at her with his sorrowful expression.

“He didn’t care about you Eugene!” Rosita pleaded. “I don’t care what you say or what he said, he didn’t give a shit about you.” Eugene started to turn back towards the tree, but Rosita yanked his face back.

“He didn’t,” Rosita said softly. Eugene swallowed and nodded weakly. Rosita continued to hold his face but watched the events at the tree. She soon wore a spiteful expression. She got up and Eugene followed slowly. He didn’t realize it, but everyone was watching now. He didn’t even hear Maggie screaming at Rick. He could only see Siddiq at Negan’s side fixing him up. Negan was going to live. He was going to live and Eugene wasn't sure how he felt. But one thing was for sure.

Eugene was going home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I really hope you enjoyed my story! I do realize this is a VERY rare pair, so thanks for reading. Let me know what your thoughts are! Either on my story or the ship. I'd love to hear from you all!


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